Don't (Completely) Childproof Your Home

A home can be a scary place for a newborn. Not long ago they were in their warm waterbed with the lights turned off. They were listening to mommas heartbeat and beautiful voice, being carried like royalty from place to place. After the barracks were broken down, the floodgate was released and light shone in the darkness. Can you blame the little one that they would need a year or more just to get their feet under them after so seismic and abrupt a change?

But now that they are moving about, the fear shifts from the baby to the parents. The house which once prioritized aesthetic and function is now seen through wartime lenses and everything looks like a landmine.

Off to Amazon to buy all of the baby-proofing gadgets. Foam covers for corners? Check. Locking latches for cupboards? I'll take a dozen. Baby gates? Electrical outlet guards? Door knob covers? Window safety devices? Add to cart. After a long Saturday spent girding up the loins of our homes, we can sit back and breathe a sigh of relief that now- after every corner of the home has been protected (pun intended)- all that's left to injure our little guy or girl are the 10,000 dangers outside the front door. Oh no.

Kidding aside, my wife and I are thankful for and make use of some of these tools ourselves. We want to care for our children and we want them to grow up in a home in which they don't feel like an intruder on our sense of style and decor. We don't want them to develop the impression that their fun and wild presence is unwelcome. We want them to know that they are more important than stuff.

But in our zeal for loving them well, we don't want to miss out on the opportunity to use the surroundings afforded to us by our God, to raise them up in His nurture and admonition. We want not just our words, but the very contours and (wisely limited) dangers of our home to instruct them.

So yes, remove and protect from dangers that can cause real harm. But are there dangers that if transgressed might provide only a little sting and carry with it an opportunity for a teaching moment? We believe so.

From the earliest years, our aim in parenting includes the preparation for faithful living in this fallen world. This takes a dovish innocence and a serpentine wisdom (Matthew 10:16). In a world where the prince of the power of the air is an enemy of the God of heaven (Ephesians 2:2), we must teach our children to know and heed the One who's voice leads to green pastures of joy and pleasure (John 10:9-10; Psalm 16:11).

We can begin to lay this foundation right from the earliest days. Here are 3 lessons that can be communicated through a wisely architected interior:

Violating the voice of authority brings negative consequences

Your home ought to have two types of barriers from danger: physical and verbal. Make some things accessible by their hands which are forbidden by your words. In this way your child will learn that there are certain things which- though they look delightful to the eyes, and appeal to their wise foolish heart- are out of bounds. Think how different the world would be if our first parents learned that lesson the easy way (Genesis 3:1-7).

One of the ways we did this was by intentionally leaving a thin piece of flooring between our hallway and kitchen untethered. It fit snuggly and would remain in place under normal use, but it could be removed with intention. When our firstborn began to crawl and explore the home, he soon discovered this. When he first became aware of it, we explained to him in simple terms that this was not to be tampered with. On his pilgrimage to the kitchen he would sometimes notice the moveable edge of the moulding. Looking up at us with mischief in his eyes (you know the look), he would jigger with it and remove it from it's place. This provided the opportunity to correct him and remind him that momma and papi said not to touch. After a few weeks of correction he got the message, and our words began to take on a more concrete form of authority in his mind.

This has taken different forms as he grows, but the message is the same: your parents' words are as permeable as the coffee table: if you run into either, there are negative consequences. In time, as his capacity to understand develops, it is our aim to extend this truth to the authority of God's word. We are simply stand ins for His authority. Ours is an assigned authority. God's is an absolute and intrinsic one. So, by training his ear to hear the delegated authority in our voice, we hope he will be primed to hear the ultimate authority in God's.

The world is not yours

In the first few years of your child's life, home is in large measure their world. They spend a majority of time there. We aim to make it a suitable for their flourishing and development. It is, after all, their home too. And like God who has given us all things to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17), we want to furnish our home with certain things simply for our children's enjoyment.

It's also important for our child to know that God loves his parent's too, and has made a world with things for them to enjoy at his exclusion. Though it's his house, it's not only his house.

We light candles (placed out of his reach) that aren't for him to touch. We use a laptop that isn't for his entertainment. We have a bed that isn't for his nap time. We use power tools that aren't for his repairs (as much as he likes watching and assisting dad tinker with things). His sister has toys that are not for his playing.

Our hope is that as this pattern holds, he will learn that there are useful and enjoyable things that God gives to others and not to him, and that's ok. In fact, that's to be celebrated. Contentment is developed as we witness others receiving something, and are trained to flex the muscle of gratitude for God's kindness to them instead of the muscle of covetousness for His deceptively apparent unkindness to us.

Freedom comes with responsibility

The well known "liberal arts" degree has its origin in ancient Greece. At its root is the idea that free citizens need to be well-rounded in certain core bodies of knowledge and aptitudes in order to participate in civic life and contribute to the flourishing of a free society.

Freedom is a human right that comes with responsibilities to God and to your fellow man. This is an important lesson to learn early on. When freedom is used in a way that is harmful, it dishonour God and does harm to His image in us and others. Though it is many years before our little ones may apply to a post-secondary liberal arts degree (if they choose to), we can begin working with them on their PSAT even while they're in diapers.

For us, this means creating scenarios where the kids can discover boundaries on their own and develop the wisdom that comes from practice. These are not boundaries we set, or dangers that will do harm. They are decisions that can be made, but probably shouldn't.

An example of this is the unintentional experience we had a few months ago after we put our 15 month old to sleep. There we were, sitting in the living room with his little sister, and then we heard the "thud!". The little gladiator had somehow scaled the vertical slats and swung himself over the edge of the crib, plunging to what must have felt like Mariana depths. I ran to comfort him. No bruises, no breaks, but shaken up for sure. Within a few seconds the crying stopped and I eventually put him back to sleep.

Since then, we haven't changed the construct of his crib. Even though he could climb out again, he doesn't. Not because there is a rule. Not because he isn't able. But because the freedom and ability to climb out comes with (discovered) consequences. He now knows that he isn't able to navigate the consequences and so he doesn't climb out. This is a great early lesson in Liberal Arts.

A house is more than a home

We are thankful to be able to give our children shelter and every good thing they need at home. We are also thankful for the short few years we have to lay the foundation of certain ideas that we hope will become core to their understanding of themselves, the world and their God.

The relaxed boundaries we've created for our kids can be a prescription for anxiety. Instead, we choose to see them as a means of planting in our little ones the wisdom and discernment they will need as they grow and continue to discover our Father's world which is full of wonder and woes.